Monday, February 07, 2005

Egoism - A camouflage for insecurity ??

Is that what really it is ? I have never been able to understand how and why can someone be so self centered.
I have a friend who is quite successful and well educated and popular among his peer and collegues too. Though I wonder how many of those actually consider him a real frnd. Eveyone I have met has somethin or the other to say about him - and its seldom nice. Reason being - he talks like he is the "master of all trades".Ofcourse, there is no denying that he does know what he talks - most of the time; but its the haughty way he puts it is what irks everyone. In short - he is a perfect example of an egoist.
Now, why would I think that he is insecure...well... there are things that I have noticed about him that give me the impression. When someone points out a mistake that he has made - a genuine mistake

I was thinking of simply deleting this blog entry...but then I decided that it was better than nothing at all... :)

Friday, February 04, 2005

Quarter Life Crisis

Ok, the last 2 times I posted, it was a reminder to myself that I ought to do somethin about the place that got me one of the 1st GMail accounts in my frnd circle. And this mail is not going to deviate from the normal in anyway, I guess.... :))).
I know I ought to be more regular with posts on my blog... but its just that last couple of months have been so bad, I would rather that I forget this phase of my life than record it somewhere. So much so, I havent even written in my diary since November.
But I guess I am climbing up the trough now, though the crest doenst seem to be anywhere in sight.
I joined a software consultancy firm here in DC and in probably a month or two's time I will get placed with some company for a contracted period. Was a very hard decision for me to take - to change feilds; esp after having slogged for two years in something that I had eventually started to love. But! life has somethin different in store for me I guess...
I have read this article more than once during the two years since the 1st time I came across it, and everytime I get to understand and relate to a different section of it... and so I am pasting it here for myself and others to read and contemplate...

Can you admit to relating to this....

Quarter-life Crisis ( by Della Casa)

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going
along with the crowd and start realizing that there are a lot of
things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start
feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but
then get hot and scared because you barely know where you are now. You
start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends
that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest
people you have ever met and the people you have lost touch with are
some of the most important ones. What you do not realize is that they
are realizing that too and are not really cold or catty or mean or
insincere, but that they are as confused as you are. You look at your
job. It is not even close to what you thought you would be doing or
maybe you are looking for one and realizing that you are going to have
to start at the bottom and are scared. You miss the comforts of
college, of groups, of socializing with the same people on a constant
basis. But then you realize that maybe they weren't so great after
all. You are beginning to understand yourself and what you want and do
not want. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are
doing and find yourself judging a bit more than usual because suddenly
you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and add
things to your list of what is acceptable and what is not. You are
insecure and then secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of
your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly change is
the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life but soon
realize that the past is drifting further and further away and there
is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your
heartbroken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to
you or you lay in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent

enough to get to know better. You love someone but maybe love someone
else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you are
not a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look
cheap and getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look
pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over
and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot
seem to make a decision. You wonder what in the hell is wrong with
you. You worry about loans and money and the future and making a life
for yourself and while winning the race would be great, right now
you'd just like to be a contender!
What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it
and we are all in this together. We are in our best of times and our
worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing
out. We are making a lot of mistakes, but helping one another learn
from them and reaching out to pull one another up. We are not the
shiniest group of people, but we are very much a circle. We are there
for one another and will listen and help heal and grow for the rest of
our lives.
We will piss one another off, but we will also heal one another's
hearts. We are the group who will always call on birthdays and laugh
at the end of a conversation that started with angry words. We are a
group that talks trash about the same people we call to meet up with
on a Friday night, but we are sorry about it and we know that they
know that we were just being insecure like they have been. We are
friends and in 10 years, when we have figured out where we fit in in
this world, we will still be friends always and forever!